Permission To Be Small
Why being small isn't a bad thing
Little hands, doll furniture, tiny paintings, and short moments of belly aching laughter. Good things do come in small packages. Like a small gift hand delivered to your door out of the blue or a chocolate candy shared between two friends, just a single drop of ecstasy, a moment, a blip.
Small has gotten a bad rep as of late. Or maybe that’s just the way it’s talked about to me. In the American culture I live in, big is always better. More is more and I can’t have enough. But I’m starting to feel the weight of all this, more. I feel the weight of having to have more things, to own more home, to do more things, to be bigger and better, and always be growing, to make more and be more, more more more.
This load only continues to grow and I don’t think my shoulders can hold much more. When I look to my garden, because all of life’s answers are there, I realized that even the flowers only grow for a few months out of the year, why am I trying to grow more than that?
There are so many times in life I thought I was doing it wrong because I was going small:
Painting on small canvases
Keeping my business as a company of one
Potentially only having one kid (still up in the air)
Focusing on local community vs. the world
Having 1000 instagram followers
This is just to name a few. I’m sure if I sat here longer, the list would continue to grow, no longer being a small list of small things.
Before becoming a mom, I worried about not doing things right. I was always looking for the next best thing, a productivity hack, a marketing solution that would cause overnight success. But something happened in the transition to motherhood. A switch was flipped. I’ll forever be thankful for my son, for many reasons, but specifically because I no longer care. With the craze of being a small business owner and a mother, I don’t have time for more. I don’t care for more. I have too much going on as it is.
I need less.
I need small.
And so, I’ve given myself permission (and you too if you need it) to embrace small.
I don’t have to do it all. I don’t need to build a huge brand and business that’s worth millions. I want to have a life balanced in creativity and connection with those I love and care about. I want my work to fund my life and family, nothing more.
There is of course, another thought process around being small. And that’s being small in energy or boundaries. I have mixed feelings about this.
In my weekly yoga class, my teacher talked about not being small, about taking up space. And in my head and my body I kept thinking, “Yes, and…”
I don’t believe that anyone should be able to make me feel small or belittle me. No one is better (or worse) than me. But sometimes I come into a space and I want to be small. I want to go unnoticed, I want to just watch from the sidelines and see how the room moves. When I’m just about to start my cycle and become more introverted, I want to be small with low-key energy.
To circle back to my garden (because it always comes back to that!), energy and size move in cycles. There are seasons, perhaps on a monthly basis, or even a yearly basis, where I have so much energy and want to take up space. I want to be the center of attention, I want to talk and perform and serve. And there are other times when I want to sit back and watch. I want to notice things and take my time. I don’t want to prove anything or have to explain thoughts that aren’t populating quite yet.
I just want to be in the room.
And that too is okay.
Size fluctuates with different seasons of life.
And, in some areas it might not change much.
I want growth in my business, I want to create more commissioned pieces, and sell originals and prints, but I want to do that, only to the degree that fits in my nap time work schedule. I want to do that to the point that it serves my family and our financial needs. I don’t need to become the next Lisa Frank (because what other artist would I strive to be?)
I want to tell stories. To witness everyday magic. To connect with people on a personal and intimate way. The only way I know how to do all of that, is through seemingly small ways.
And I’m 100% okay with that.
Another fun act of staying small is support small businesses. Find your next piece of art or a gift for a friend at shopmodernmagic.com. Not in the market for art but still want to support me? Share this email, my website, or my instagram with a friend.
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